Johnny Souey Cove, Wilsons Promontory National Park
Photos are hereWell, it’s a long while since I sat and wrote in my notebook like this. The years roll by, I’m older and, perhaps, a little bit wiser too, who knows.
So, I’m back here, where once I’d been before – almost 25 years ago. I remember three others being with me for that walk – none of whom I have any meaningful contact with now. Some of this is my choice, some isn’t. Either way, it amplifies the distance between now and then. It’s as if this place is stalked by the ghosts of my long lost past – including by the ghost of my younger self. I’m 50. What an age – unimaginable to me at 25, when my father was still alive. Am I glad with the way I’ve turned out, all these years later? It’s a hard question to answer directly. Perhaps a better response is that I’m at peace and fully accept the life I’ve led and I also accept that I am the way I am – right now – “warts and all”.
Was I hopeful back then of a bright, fulfilled future? I don’t know, I can’t remember. What I’m sure of is that I had an ever-present feeling that I had made decisions that would forever limit me, most notably, by getting married so young. I turned that on its head 4-5 years later and it was the most important decision of my life. I’m a sadder, quieter man because of it and its repercussions but I’m also somehow freer within myself.
Are there things that still limit me in my life? Of course – I still haven’t ever been to Greenland, which has been such a long-standing wish of mine. But the trade-off is a home and a sense of belonging and attachment that I haven’t had since that painful but exciting farewell we all took from Gisborne, 37-and-a-half years ago.
I’m by myself here now. The three young women who camped at Five Mile Beach last night also walked through here this morning, but they’ve gone now. I may have the campsite to myself.
Yesterday, it only took me two hours to get to the park gate from home – went via Peninsula Link and Baxter-Tooradin Road, which was much better than Thompson Road. I had an early lunch and set off at 11:30am. The walk was pretty uneventful – along an unmade road for most of the way, as I remembered from my previous visit in 1992. There were nice views out across Corner Inlet to the left. The walk took more of a toll on my feet and my energy levels than I expected – I’ve got some painful areas and a couple of blisters, which began to slow me down as the afternoon progressed. It took six hours to walk 20 km, through fairly flat terrain, so significantly slower than usual. My knees were strapped by my physio the day before I left and I feel like it’s changed how I walk – my back is a lot less stiff than it usually is by this stage, but the outside of my glutes and also the front of my hips are much more sore and fatigued than usual.
I’ve dumped my original plan to walk to Tin Mine Cove and have left the tent up at Five Mile Beach and have walked through here to Johnny Souey with only the bare essentials in my pack. Based on online maps of mobile phone coverage, I thought I’d have coverage at Five Mile Beach but I didn’t – nothing at all. But I managed to send off a text to Nadia from atop the hill between Johnny Souey and Five Mile.
I slept better than usual last night and even got back to sleep after waking at 4:30am. I thought of our little cat Holly who always likes to be let out around that time! And I dreamt of my grandparents last night – I was in Auckland for some reason and they were both there. I spoke Swiss-German with grandpa first and then grandma appeared from another room – I hugged her and cried and cried. I woke with wet eyes and a wet pillow. I remember not being sure which word to use when addressing them and settled on “grosspapi” and “grossmutti”.
The last time I saw them was in October 1989 – grandma was in bed dying and grandpa was quiet and resigned. I miss them terribly, especially grandpa.
There is a beautiful Pacific Gull standing in the water in front of me. You are a spirit, aren’t you? Watching me as you slowly pace the shallows. A spirit from another time, or another place. So many, so many, have gone before me – to the next world or just out of mine.
Hello my wandering friend. What stories could you tell me of this place? What beauty have you seen on your soaring flights, what wonders do you know, living your days on these blessed shores?
On a practical note – there is water available at Five Mile Beach campsite, at least at this time of year: from a stream opposite the campsite, although the water in the creek is probably OK too, if treated.
The truth is, going bushwalking like this is an opportunity for me to stop and reflect on my life. Every time I do that, though, it’s a melancholy experience – I become aware of all the people, places, experiences, that I’ve left behind me. The only thing that makes it bearable is knowing that tomorrow night I’ll be back home with my beloved Nadia, and our cute little monkey-bunny, Holly. Nadia is my life, my world, my everything. She makes my life worth living and fills my every moment and thought with blessedness, warmth and light. Even here, she’s with me, her gentle, beautiful, loyal, dependable, loving presence.
What will the next 12 months bring? I really don’t mind – I’ll just take whatever comes.
